when we all walk!!

The light shrunk leaving behind a black hole. I sat in my dull, depressed room watching every particle of the space getting absorbed into that illuminating little thing which kept vanishing until I closed my eyes. I feel sweaty and restless. I wish to run away but then I don’t wish to run. I feel the wrath of world charged on me and then I find solace in the world. I search for something unnamed, shapeless and unwanted like most of us do at many points in our lives. I need it bad but I don’t know what I want. When the best fails, the worst is done, future hangs on no hopes and you don’t see clearly what will come next then you feel what? When I sit and wonder I am left with a sweet smell of nostalgia. I hesitate in putting a foot forward to the unknown. What pleasure I feel in the womb of yesterdays. I smile! Then I feel weightless. I am evaporating into the nothingness of the world. It is scary. Suddenly I settle deep into the mud where everyone digs Itself. That’s when the need of belongingness creeps into my head. I still search for ‘IT’. I still ask a question.... where we belong? A stumbleblock????

i call it X!

A cliched note i start with. Every day is a new struggle, a beginning (fresh or stale) and a different tale. every day leaves traces behind. every scratch of the day is a fine line tomorrow. the line leads you, breaks you, amends you... makes you want to live or die again. The circle has crooked corners. We rotate in lines. A smile flashes in pain, a fear paralyzes joy. A fear! I believe a fear can be your best pal. it never leaves you alone. Happiness also finds its best companion in fear. Fear of Fear, of losing something you acquired in abundance. Of never getting out of what you got yourself into ( not neccessarily shit!). Of unknown fears, of knowing more than you want to. Fear ... is a good host. It welcomes every feeling with open arms and drops it out of the conquered area after having let it stay as long as it wished and permitted.
Go on finding the end of the thread and you will end up wanderng in a loop. why am I writing all this? It's not merely killing time. What is more complex than you brain? I make a small effort to know myself. I talk to my mind. It says what i can't describe. it spoke blank today.